Change
Today I found soot marks all over my body. A few on my arms, a couple on my knees, one on my thigh (?!). Weird, huh...but not really, considering I've been on kitchen duty most of the day (
puchero for the He Cares teens and, keeping with the theme of complicated Spanish
ulam,
cocido for family dinner). But the soot marks are par for the course - yesterday my jeans had their usual soot stain (from the Center's pots and pans) on one leg. I evened things out a bit by spilling a glass of water on the other.
Speaking of jeans, it's funny how they've become my daily uniform - I even wear jeans when I teach class now. I've never really worn jeans much - not even in high school or college - it was mostly trousers and dress pants and skirts and shorts. But now it's mostly jeans. With soot stains.
Soot stains and burn scars where tattoos should be (always wanted my name in
alibata tattooed somewhere), jeans instead of skirts and power suits. Quite a change from what I've always been used to, but a welcome change nonetheless. Other changes have taken place since I started to embrace the more simple lifestyle that allows me to follow God a little more closely.
My weekly pedicures, for instance, are now apparently my annual pedicures. Yuck? Yeah, you bet, although I'm pretty much used to it by now despite being addicted to this beauty ritual for many, many years, to the extent of almost blowing 20 euros just to get my toes in tiptop shape (I even tried, in vain, to track down a Pinoy expat and fellow SAMASKOMer who was supposed to have put up a beauty salon in Paris...just to ensure my pedicures!).
Hmm, another thing that's changed is my taste in men, thank goodness. Was just thinking about that earlier today. I probably should title this entry "Same Jerk, Different Incarnation"...because that used to be the story of my life. I kept falling for the same kind of guy and ending up with the same results...Groundhog Day starring me instead of Bill Murray. And, just like the film, I saw which part of me needed to change: the part that fell for the same kind of jerk over and again. Heh heh. Just kidding. Or maybe not.
But change is good. Changing for the better, that is. Soot, jeans, unpedicured toes, non-jerks (or good grief, the ability to accept a jerk despite his jerk-dom?) - it's all good.
My Name In Japanese...
Wave Child. Love the ocean and the underwater world, so it's appropriate, dontcha think? What's your
Japanese name?
Sivven
We had several Kiwis (New Zealanders, not the bird or the shoe polish) volunteer at He Cares over the last couple of weeks, and one of the things that set them apart was the way they pronounced "seven": "sivven"
daw. Very Ilokano, he he. Anyway!
Ella tagged me with this "Seven" survey, and since I like to rack my brains with questions like this, here gooooes...
Seven Things That Scare Me 1) Rats (and mice na rin)
2) Guns - cannot even stand the sight of them up close...although I could once assemble and disassemble an M1 Garand very quickly indeed.
3) Apathy
4) Hell
5) Myself
6) Global warming
7) Japanese horror movies.
Seven Things I Like The Most 1) Books, bookstores, libraries
2) Knives. Kitchen, not murder weapons. I mean, I like
really really good knives.
3) Horses, dogs...but they're not really "things"
4) Sunsets, stars, the sea (
daya ba. Things in nature starting with "S" heh heh)
5) Clean bathrooms
6) Movies
7) Earrings
Seven Random Facts About Me1) My Master's degrees in Public Administration and Asian Studies are "in progress." Except that my school's (UP Clark Air Base) not there anymore.
2) I cannot play any sports involving balls - volleyball, basketball, billiards, table tennis, name it - except soccer (UPIS Girls' Soccer Team - yahoo - but we never really played anywhere. Go figure.)
3) I finally set aside my ambitions to become a doctor when I couldn't hack Chem 16 in the summer of '86 (I only stayed as long as the cute Eng students stuck around, and when they dropped out, so did I, hehe)
4) I was a chainsmoker of Philip Morris (regular, not lights) for 16 years. Got up to 3 packs a day. Quit on November 9, 2002, cold turkey ever since through the grace of God and the fear of Ney's eternal damnation (OA!)
5) My parents wanted to nickname me "Mylene" (what a mess that would have been, since "Mayleen" is my best female friend) but my hippie grandmother insisted on "Honey" (but my best male friend is "Neyney," close enough)
6) In an idle moment during Bar review, I came up with the "Life of a Civil Action" diagram, pirated with permission and apparently now widely disseminated among the general public
7) My secret identity:
titser. I've taught elementary and highschool Science (SLC in UPIS, 1985); English as a second language (1989); Election Law, Law and Economics, and Argumentation and Debate (San Sebastian College of Law, 1997-1999); and now Business Law and Media Law (Thames International Business School, 2003 to present)
Seven Important Things In My Bedroom1) My bed he he
2) My workspace - laptop, printer, dictionary and thesaurus
chuchu3) TV and DVD player
4) Books - the most important ones because the less important ones would clutter my space too much (not to say that my space isn't cluttered enough as it is)
5) Clothes and shoes
6) Aircon and industrial fan
7) Singing Jolina doll from Neyney, to remind me exactly how
jologs I really am.
Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die1) Write (critically-acclaimed) books (plural)
2) Find and be found by the
one, raise a family
3) Visit Lourdes and Fatima
4) Walk the Camino de Santiago
5) Put up my dream camp for underprivileged kids
6) Attend the canonization of Mother Teresa and John Paul the Great
7) Get a Master's degree in Theology from the Franciscan University in Steubenville
Seven Things I Can Do1) Cook...well (
huuu yabang). Cater for hundreds. Feed the hungry.
2) Write (well! Mwehe), edit
3) Swim, SCUBA dive, free dive up to 30 feet
4) Make little kids smile. Attract dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals (
'wag lang rats!)
5) Preach the Gospel (and use words, if necessary. Only through His grace.)
6) Sing, play the tambourine satisfactorily, and the guitar (barely), dance - the swing, salsa, Roger Rabbit...
7) Understand French (speaking it is a completely different matter), speak passable Spanish and Italian
Seven Things I Can't Do1) Go back to active law practice...heh heh sorry Kenneth
2) Spend money on expensive brand names (unless they're on sale...)
3) Play GM7...my fingers don't reach that far!
4) Like badminton
5) Change a flat tire
6) Math
7) Stay mad at someone I love
Seven Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex (hmmm, incriminating...good thing my list of essentials is a lot longer!)
1) Nice smile, and hands (hard to describe, but I know what kind of hands I like, and what I don't!)
2) Chivalry. Not just gentlemanly behavior for pogi points, but genuine courteousness. And good manners.
3) Intelligence (
magaling sa Math!), and the conversation factor
4) Kindness to all of God's creations, especially small children and domesticated animals
5) Over-all cuteness also helps, heh heh
6) Good relationship with my family and friends
7) Most importantly...loves God (
hindi dogs, although OK din sana yun)
more than anyone or anything else.
Seven Things I Say The Most1) Hassle!
2)
Tigas ng mukha mo...
3)
Chenes, chika, chuva4) Oh my goodness
5) What the heck...
6) God bless you.
7) Yes, Kuya
Seven Celeb Crushes (whether foreign or local)
1) John Cusack
2) Harrison Ford
3) Lou Diamond Phillips (
bakit ba)
4) Hugh Jackman
5) James Woods (
oo nga)
6) Humphrey Bogart
7) Rey Valera (I'm serious...)
Seven People You Want To Take This Quiz1) Lex
2) Ate Punay
3) Day
4) Concon
5) Sunny C
6) Viviene
7) Jeryc
It Had To Be You
I'm an easy weeper at movies, but three in particular are guaranteed to bring on the waterworks, even though I already know every camera angle forward and backward and sideways.
The Passion of the Christ, Audrey Hepburn classics (more of a "genre" and not any particular film...H once came home to find me all puffy-eyed and sniffly at the the tail end of a TCM Hepburn marathon!), and one of my favorite movies of all time,
When Harry Met Sally. Tonight I played it again, and the magic's still the same, especially at the end.
"And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible." Insert weeping here...
I've seen this film at various parts of my life, and I think, like good wine, it gets better with age (mine, not the film's, heh heh). Once upon a time, I had someone quote me this part of the movie when I was complaining about getting old:
Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I'm going to be forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years. (I was 32 at the time too, my gosh...
that long ago)
Anyway, I read this review of the film, and I think it really sums up what the movie's all about (over and above the fake orgasm scene): "Harry's and Sally's romance isn't one of passion, although passion is present, but one that becomes possible because the two people have grown up together, have matured until they can finally see clearly what they really want in a partner."
Exactly. Sigh. Here's to maturity.
To Cali or Not To Cali...
Caliraya on Saturday. Who in her right mind could refuse such an invite? Especially since it means a little time away for much-needed R & R in an unbelievable environment that in many ways is a foretaste of heaven...or, at the very least, a welcome blessing on earth! My dear
X, I am so very tempted...and I hope that everything conspires toward the fulfillment of this weekend's plans...especially since they involve quality time with friends and a reunion with my dream dog of a St. Bernard!
Tomorrow morning, right about the time my Business Law class comes around, I'll know for sure. But I'm worked up and looking forward to it, in case it comes to pass...I think it's right about time for a brrrrreak away from it all.
Le Cinema
I love movies. Just haven't had much time to see too many films though - and there are soooo many good motion pictures out there for the watching. I'm not talking about Hollywood movies either - which can, for the most part, be so limiting while there are so many excellent non-Hollywood/non-commercial films to see and (the next best thing after seeing a film) to
talk about. My gauge of a good film is its transition from the screen to post-screening conversation (and I'm not talking about the trashing a bad movie tends to get after it's finally over, although that promotes conversation as well, to some extent). To be able to spend some amount of time analyzing and reflecting and throwing around your opinion on a particular movie means that it was actually worth your while - there are some films, like
Breakfast at Tiffany's, Irreversible, Kurosawa's
Dreams and
Rashomon, The Passion of the Christ, Live Show, to name a few, that I'm
still talking about. A good conversation about cinema ranks right up there with a good literary conversation...and I'm up for that kind of talk most of the time.
But anyway, today I saw two lovely French films on DVD -
Les Choristes (The Chorus) by Christophe Barratier, starring Gerard Jugnot and
Un long dimanche de fiançailles (A Very Long Engagement) by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, starring Audrey Tautou, who were likewise the director and star of my all-time favorite films,
Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (Amélie). Jodie Foster is in the movie as well!
French films are always great treats, since French filmmakers take their cinema very seriously (just like the French take their art, their food, their clothes, etc. seriously! Seems like the French take everything to the level of an art form). Insert horrific Paris movie anecdote here - one night, I had a Sunday late movie date with my flatmates David the Australian and Hunter the American to see *hold on to your seats*
Scooby-Doo. In a French film theater. On the Champs-Elysées. It was almost as bad as being in France - the culinary capital of the Universe - and eating at McDonald's, or, good grief, that hideous place called
Flunch. Good thing the two idiots got delayed at a very expensive duck dinner
despedida I had the sense to pass up (hah, I had better things to do: had a salsa date at the Cafe Latina with Van and Nelson and other Pinoy friends) and it was too late to see any movies - we all ended up salsa'ing instead. Otherwise my Film Appreciation professor would probably deny me three times and have me thrown to the lions. Anyway, Scooby-Doo and Gallic biases aside, I don't think I've seen a French film I didn't appreciate, except perhaps François Ozon's
Regarde La Mer (See the Sea), which was undoubtedly art, but was a little too disturbing (even more than Gaspar Noé's brutal but madly inspired
Irreversible) for my personal tastes.
Les Choristes (2004)
Finally, a wholesome foreign film - none of that sex, nudity, or (not so much anyway) profanity that seems to be par for the course when it comes to independent/non-commercial/non-Hollywood motion pictures, especially those from Europe. Granted, the pedagogical plot is all-too familiar - the kindhearted, well-meaning teacher as redeemer of troubled students (
Dead Poet's Society, Stand and Deliver, Mr. Holland's Opus, Mona Lisa Smile...need I go on?), but this French version is sweet. On a more personal note, the film heralds something I believe should be central in relating to children: love is always the answer. There is no such thing as a hopeless child, and those who turn out to be hopeless are the ones we've given up on. Take away their only source of love, and we take away their future...as the film clearly demonstrates.
Un long dimanche de fiançailles (2004)
Loved this film, particularly the cinematography and the characteristic Amélie-like whimsy despite the seriousness of the plot. And the plot itself was inspiring - the tag line alone says it all: Never let go. Uh, it means not letting go, in a good way. If you get my drift. Just see the film!
What Were You Like?
20 YEARS AGO:1985 – Graduated from UPIS. Started college in UP Diliman, BS Humanities (pre-med). Hair still straight...apple cut pa yata yun. And then did the unthinkable...got a perm. Eeeeyowww! Started smoking - freedom! - the world was my oyster. Marcos was Philippine president. Spandau Ballet was da bomb.15 YEARS AGO:1990 – After a year spent working various jobs (in the "glamorous" media world...pffft) and teaching English while getting a Master's degree (talk about focus), I got accepted - on a fluke - into the UP College of Law. Believe me, no one was more shocked about it than I was. I tried it, I liked it, and I stayed on.10 YEARS AGO:1995 - Yahoo, officially a lawyer! Junior litigation associate at the uber-tony Herrera Laurel de los Reyes Roxas & Teehankee law offices. My own parking space. My very own office (a real one, with a real door, with my name in gold letters on the plaque on it). My place in the world as defined by an address on 6758 Ayala Avenue, Makati City. I owned my life. I had arrived! (Or so I thought). Power suits and pusoy dos.FIVE YEARS AGO:2000 – My 30th year on earth. And life indeed began at 30. The "zenith" of my careers: finally, my name on the shingle of a law partnership. A leather chair and a 20th floor glass window office overlooking Pasig, Makati, Pasay, Manila, Laguna... A lifestyle column for a national broadsheet. Fame, fortune, fans. My first time in Europe. THREE YEARS AGO:2002 – The year that changed my life. Finally came into a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Went around the world again, but lingered. Lived in Paris. And in Chicago. Had my heart broken in 50 million pieces, but had it mended again by Someone who truly loved me, and whom I decided to follow for the rest of my life.LAST YEAR: Left the steering wheel in God's hands and let Him drive me. He took me through the turbulent tides, and brought me to the place where He wanted me to be, and to people He wanted me to grow and walk with. I gave up so many things as I tried to follow His will, but gained so very much more in return!THIS YEAR: My filofax is completely in God's hands. I've left it blank; He decides on the agenda, as He sees fit. I've traveled Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao...with more trips planned. I visited - and fell in love with - Kabayan, Benguet and its people. I got more deeply involved and immersed in my mission at He Cares; I continue to subject myself to His guidance and pruning.LAST NIGHT: Friday preps at He Cares. Cooking, fixing the Mass missalettes and songs, just shooting the breeze with Kuya AG and Juwip til late night at the Center. Talked to H about politics (yuck) and philosophy. Had three tacos (double yuck).TODAY: Saturday feeding! Mass at the Center by a New Zealander priest. Perhaps another visit to the Beatitudes to make good on AG's balut/street food Extra Challenge for the New Zoolanders. Lex's housewarming in the evening. Pretty good line-up of activities for the day!TOMORROW: Kerygma's Day of Healing at the ULTRA. Should be a great experience.NEXT YEAR: Still serving the Lord full-time. Hopefully, with some *ahem* "assistance." He he.FIVE - TEN YEARS FROM NOW: Still living in God's love and serving Him in whatever capacity I can. I've learned not to make five year plans - and leave those things entirely up to Him. :-)
This Is Your Life
I should be well on the way to finishing a book proposal - the first of quite a few I need to work on in the next several weeks - but I got waylaid by a nostalgic detour as I unearthed a huge box of mementoes from my past (I was looking for some material to jumpstart the overview of my bonggacious org's anniversary coffeetable book). I'm strangely sentimental in that I may throw away gifts after they've served their purpose (or even give them away brand-new if I have no need for them) but I will always keep the card or the note that came with them. I keep old letters, birthday cards, and even those short sweet post-its that came with some other stuff like yesterday's class notes or other borrowed whatnots. Tonight I opened up a box (I think I have 2 or 3 big ones) that contained so much of what my life was and who came and departed from it. My old Montessori keepsake book (yargh...was that really me with the big *yes, big* eyes and the apple-haircut). My daily notes from my "sisters" Doyet and Emily: we had a phase in college when we'd write each other silly little letters using the most creative methods available (unfortunately I suppose mine were pretty un-creative). Ken's cartoons and freaky pre-Christian-conversion blood-and-gore Christmas cards from LA. The package wrapping from someone who sent me something (I don't remember what) many, many years ago (come to think of it, I'd forgotten I'd ever known that *someone* until I opened the box today. Out of sight, out of mind talaga) . Bluebooks from college (I got a 2.25 in a Spanish 3 exam? Que mal!) and classcards from law school (when 2.25 was the highest grade we aspired for). My law school acceptance letter (whoopeee!). My "welcome, new lawyer!" letter from the IBP and all the newspapers announcing that OLIVEROS, M.L.E.B. made it (lovingly collected and filed away by my proud paternal unit). An unsolicited job offer from Palmera Homes. A "thanks-but-we're-not-looking" letter from PECABAR. Souvenir programmes, invitations to events and various formal balls, sorority photos. Greg's witty greetings in his familiar scrawl ("To Honey-poo...from Greggy-doo"), Noel's blase salutations. Expressions from the heart, tangible reminders that continue to exist in my little storage unit of a VCR box even if their authors no longer do. This was my life. These were - are - the people I cared for.One day my kids will rummage through this box - bad '80's photos, ticket stubs, letters (perhaps even love letters from their Dad, yeeehaa) and all, and say: Mom, you were such a doofus. And I'll probably tell them, as I tuck away their piano recital pieces or Mother Day's card into my nth box of stored memories: yes, my darlings...and I still am.
Breaking Up
Just ended an almost four-year relationship today. Somehow I knew it was bound to happen. When your Mom and your best friends start telling you to end it and move on to better "possibilities," it's wise to listen up. But, in my case, ever-pasaway and eternally the martyr (not quite the image I've painted of myself), I chose to stick it out. There was a time when I got so fed up that I tried to run far away and forget about all the headaches and heartaches, but who can stand the sight of tears? Not I, much to my surprise.
It all started, like most committed relationships, with a very kilig courtship...full of marvellous possibilities and dreams of castles in the sky. And it had its good moments, which you learn to cherish and focus on despite the ugly end of the affair - otherwise you'll be carrying that emotional baggage of unforgiveness and resentment around the rest of your life. But when the feelings faded and emotions waned, it really took a lot of honest-to-goodness commitment to weather the storms that came along.
Sometimes you really should take all those warning signs seriously. In this particular situation, things quickly degenerated to even worse than they used to be. I began hearing things I already knew in my heart of hearts, especially from some people whose judgment I trust implicitly. And the lack of communication made matters worse. I think it basically degenerated into entropy, when no one really cared anymore and each one was waiting for the other to give up. Today, someone just did. Darn it, if only for pride's sake, I wish it had been me. Hmm, so that's how it feels to be the dumpee, instead of the dump-er. Apparently, I'm too high-maintenance for the relationship to work. Boohoo.
Of course, after I'd said my exit piece, I let several close comrades know about what happened, and it's quite a relief to hear their more than positive reactions about it (e.g., George: YEHEEEE; Ney: Yehey! Rich: WOW!). Although Miles wanted to know where I was and if was OK...and I assured her I wasn't anywhere near a building with more than four storeys.
Yeah, I know things are all for the best - and that some relationships, even the ones I really wanted to stay in, aren't meant to be, thank God for His omniscience. What more an ailing relationship I've been trying to put on the backburner in the hope that everything would eventually turn out OK (or totally blow up beyond repair)? Well, I'm finally free of that now, and, despite a very small amount of dumpee's indignation (I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, baby), I know that it's time to move on to other healthier and more fruitful partnerships that have just been waiting on the sidelines to happen. I just needed to end this one, once and for all.
Tonight, I wrote finis to Colors - a part of my life, still a part of my past life, but no longer a part of my future. Goodbye, have a good life (whatever's left of it *bitter* heh heh)...because baby, I know I will.
Food Trip
Presently, I seem to be addicted to various fried breakfast meats dipped in Masala chili sauce – with rice of course – mainly because it’s the quickest meal to prepare (shades of my Midwestern microwaved bacon+rice+ketchup daily diet). There are days when I don’t want to go through the hassle of fixing myself a proper meal, especially since I don’t really eat too much of what I cook anyway. I picked up one of these surveys from Angela, who seems to be a big survey fan, and it got me thinking about my own food preferences:1. Favorite street food?Fishballs sa UP, barbecue and isaw, balut2. Favorite pasta?Linguine alle vongole, spaghetti bolognese on the sweet side, olive oil and garlic3. Favorite food pag summer?Ice cream, mais con hielo4. Favorite food pag umuulan?Luk Yuen halo-halo congee (my sick day comfort food as well), minestrone, arroz caldo or goto5. Favorite food pag nanonood ng sine?Popcorn, chocolate bars, donuts, pizza…and one time, KFC and pansit palabok hehe6. Favorite shake?Very thick chocolate. Yum. From the old Rosie’s diner in Ermita and Ed Debevic’s in Chicago.7. Favorite night-out drink?San Mig Light 8. Favorite softdrink?Mountain Dew, Royal, Coke regular9. Favorite food pag nasa beach?Freshly grilled seafood and barbecue na kinakamay with complete sawsawan and sili, adobo, kamatis, at madaming kanin! 10. Favorite food pag galit?Usually, diretso inom. Chocolate calms me down somewhat, chika.11. Favorite cuisine?Asian – Pinoy, Chinese, Japanese, Persian, Thai, Indian, basta Asian. I like almost all cuisine I’ve tried so far, except Greek…I gave it a second and third chance pero kadiri pa rin.12. Favorite dessert?I usually don’t eat dessert, but ice cream. Turtle pie. Decadence!13. Favorite breakfast?Bacon, cereal, tinapa with rice and tomatoes…14. Favorite kind of chocolate?Lindt pistachio, Mrs. See’s, chocolate covered macadamia nuts, Nestle Crunch15. Favorite food na iniihaw?Everything: barbecue, fish, seafood especially squid, steak, hotdogs…I think grilling is my favorite method of cooking food.16. Favorite food na may sabaw?My Lola’s nilagang baka, all kinds of sinigang (sampaloc, miso, sa bayabas, calamansi; pork, fish, chicken…)17. Favorite handa sa birthday mo?Anything I haven’t prepared myself hehe. Lechon. Sugpo. Alimango. Teka, walang ganun sa last birthday ko ah (except lechon, hehe).18. Best place to have coffee?Baguio, Sagada, or Kabayan. Especially kapag libre.19. Saan sulit kumain pag gutom?Good Taste sa Baguio, karinderia, Mang Jimmy’s20. Best palaman sa tinapay?Roast beef, tuna, hotdog21. Favorite ice cream flavor?Anything chocolate-y, pistachio22. Milo or Ovaltine?Milo 23. Pagkain na hindi mo kakainin?Dog, monkey, guinea pig (that’s what I get for watching too many episodes of Lonely Planet)24. Lagi ka bang gutom?Sometimes25. San ka willing mag spend para sa masarap na pagkain?I will pay for airfare to Bangkok or Vietnam just for the food trip. 26. Anong pagkain ang gusto mo iuwi from lamay pero hindi pwede?Nye.27. Anong gusto mong pagkain sa lamay mo?All of my favorite foods. Buffet. From fishballs to rib eye steak.28. Anong food ang ipagdadamot mo?Hmmm. Tough question. Food is enjoyed more when you share. Lamb chops siguro, hehe.29. Sinong kilala mong kain ng kain pero hindi tumataba?About to say Bakang pero hindi naman siya kain ng kain. Si Miles!!30. Eh diet ng diet pero hindi pumapayat?Kuya Mike, he he.31. Anong sikat na pagkain sa lugar nyo?Sa Barangay Culiat? Pagkain galing sa kusina ni Honey. Naks.
