Breaking Up
Just ended an almost four-year relationship today. Somehow I knew it was bound to happen. When your Mom and your best friends start telling you to end it and move on to better "possibilities," it's wise to listen up. But, in my case, ever-pasaway and eternally the martyr (not quite the image I've painted of myself), I chose to stick it out. There was a time when I got so fed up that I tried to run far away and forget about all the headaches and heartaches, but who can stand the sight of tears? Not I, much to my surprise.It all started, like most committed relationships, with a very kilig courtship...full of marvellous possibilities and dreams of castles in the sky. And it had its good moments, which you learn to cherish and focus on despite the ugly end of the affair - otherwise you'll be carrying that emotional baggage of unforgiveness and resentment around the rest of your life. But when the feelings faded and emotions waned, it really took a lot of honest-to-goodness commitment to weather the storms that came along.
Sometimes you really should take all those warning signs seriously. In this particular situation, things quickly degenerated to even worse than they used to be. I began hearing things I already knew in my heart of hearts, especially from some people whose judgment I trust implicitly. And the lack of communication made matters worse. I think it basically degenerated into entropy, when no one really cared anymore and each one was waiting for the other to give up. Today, someone just did. Darn it, if only for pride's sake, I wish it had been me. Hmm, so that's how it feels to be the dumpee, instead of the dump-er. Apparently, I'm too high-maintenance for the relationship to work. Boohoo.
Of course, after I'd said my exit piece, I let several close comrades know about what happened, and it's quite a relief to hear their more than positive reactions about it (e.g., George: YEHEEEE; Ney: Yehey! Rich: WOW!). Although Miles wanted to know where I was and if was OK...and I assured her I wasn't anywhere near a building with more than four storeys.
Yeah, I know things are all for the best - and that some relationships, even the ones I really wanted to stay in, aren't meant to be, thank God for His omniscience. What more an ailing relationship I've been trying to put on the backburner in the hope that everything would eventually turn out OK (or totally blow up beyond repair)? Well, I'm finally free of that now, and, despite a very small amount of dumpee's indignation (I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, baby), I know that it's time to move on to other healthier and more fruitful partnerships that have just been waiting on the sidelines to happen. I just needed to end this one, once and for all.
Tonight, I wrote finis to Colors - a part of my life, still a part of my past life, but no longer a part of my future. Goodbye, have a good life (whatever's left of it *bitter* heh heh)...because baby, I know I will.
posted by Honey Oliveros @ 10:19 PM
1 Comments:
whoa honey! i didn't know you were ending this chapter. shucks! how will i write for you now?!
oh well, i don't want to impinge on other people's cycles, especially of friends'. i'm happy that you're moving on!
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