IMHO

Becoming A Woman

One is not born a woman, one becomes one. - Simone de Beauvoir

Today I realized why I'm so discriminating in my recent choices of female friends - much more so than when it comes to the opposite sex. No, I am not - perish the thought - a misogynist, but all these Jeannie-come-latelys I've come to know at this "late" older-and-much-wiser-don't-have-to-won't-have-to-put-up-with-crap stage of life have an extremely tough act to follow, an almost impossibly high standard to be measured against. The bar for women I can truly call friends, i.e., people I can trust, respect, and love, has been set (un?)fairly high, for the most part by a group of some of the most fascinating females I've ever had the privilege of knowing: the UP Law Portia Sorority (est. 1933 and still going strong).

For four solid years in law school, I lived, loved, and laughed with a diverse group of fabulous women, each of whom was uniquely amazing in her own right. Sure, I drank with the boys and got along with the fratmen famously (one of the guys wrote part of my yearbook write-up, naming me the perfect companion to San Miguel, right up there with sisig) but at the end of the day, it was my sisses who I'd come "home" to, my support and my shelter in the ever-brewing storms of law school life.

I was 20 when I entered Portia, oh so many, many years ago. Twenty. Seems like a pretty mature age when you think about it, but I was as green as you can get. Although I thought that I was "all that" after graduating from college and working in the world, I was actually just a female on the way to becoming a woman...and boy, am I thankful that I had the opportunity of not just becoming a woman, but a Portian. The difference? I can't really put my finger on it, but it mostly has to do with inner strength. Every Portian, by virtue of the sum of what she's endured in her own life plus the "breaking down" and consequent building up she experiences not just during her initiation period but throughout the course of her active life in the sorority, is, simply put, strengthened within. And most of that strength comes from the faithful support of the sisters, who hold you up when you feel like you just want to lie down and let the worst take over. Or when you're acting stupid because you can no longer think straight. I remember one terrible day in the middle of the "SR" Org Room fiasco that resulted in the bombing of the 3rd floor men's CR, the inter-frat rumble, and the closure of Malcolm Hall two weeks before Christmas break - an ugly poison pen anti-Portian letter was making the rounds and I understood for the first time why fratmen were driven to beat each other's brains out. I was in such a murderous rage that I was ready to haul the perpetrators to court for libel (to begin with; I was thinking about getting my Tau Gamma connections to perform acupuncture on *bleep* and *bleep* with fishball sticks). Thank God for my ka-batch Gen Cosare (aka Sharon Cacho), who calmed me (and my dear, loyal frontliner of a sis Judessa Llorin Botor) down and so sagely counselled me not to dignify the indignity by fighting back (a portentious indication from the normally combative "palaban" Gen - from what I last heard from her, she experienced a radical conversion to Christianity and is now happily married to an American pastor in California).

I learned so much about what it is to be a woman from the women in Portia - and not just a woman, but a woman of strength and substance. I "grew up" under the guidance of unforgettable females whom I will always look up to as mentors. One thing that gives me great pride is the fact that I became a Portian (i.e., I was one of her "babies") during the term of LP Susan Pearl Delfin Villanueva, salututorian of Class 1991, bar topnotcher, activist, stalwart of female advancement, accomplished lawyer and respected educator, devoted mother, and object of affection of law school heartthrob Joey Ochave. And my future Ninang sa kasal, hehe. LP Susan is one of the wisest, most intelligent, and level-headed women I know, not to mention one of my favorite people in the whole entire world, no matter what I had to endure under her as a neophyte (although it helped that despite her "5-star" pretenses, her malambing Ilongga heart of mamon always prevailed in the end). I can say that she is one of the women I looked up to and continue to look up to - and I will always be, even when I'm 80, a "junior" subservient to LP Sue. For life! Her IVP when I entered, and later LP, Rhodora (Dolly) Llamas Policarpio-de la Cuesta was as sweet as LP Sue was tough, and from her I learned that kind of balance - sweetness and strength. And a genuine sense of caring for her sisters...I learned to take care of people from LP Doll. And, from my own LP (I was her EVP), LP Rachel Pulmano Follosco, I learned that you can be the best you can, and whatever you want to be, without a man's help (although having a man is nice too, he he). LP Rache is my idol when it comes to independence and women power: even in law school she could measure up to the best of the male species - great in business, competent in management, responsible driver...and unmistakably female too in her homemaking talents, including cooking and sewing curtains!! Sa'n ka pa?? She's actually the only reason why I'm not married yet - I respect her so much that I won't get hitched until she does. He he.

So many other Portians hold a special part in my heart and have contributed to my "becoming" a woman. Marivic (Lourdes Marivic Kalalo) Punzalan-Espiritu was my lifesaver during a particularly depressing time in Paris (she bunked with me while I was on the continent for school and she was traveling through on vacation) when everything seemed to be going wrong; I hope our plans to travel together through Europe push through one of these days, because we already agreed that we make the perfect travel companions for each other! My best friend in Portia (muntik na kami mag-DLS, thank goodness for Sis Meilou Sereno's extended Persons exam) Charisse Marie Brinas Jaraula-Juan, who went through a lot with me as well, and who thankfully ended up with another of my best friends in law school, Alphan Francis Saturnino (Nino) Juan. Bonggacious "Bongga," Marie Florence Lajara de los Reyes, my IVP and frequent source of joy, laughter, and chismis. Vicky de los Reyes (niece of Pacita de los Reyes-Phillips), my first boss in my first job, who is a rabid Portian through and through. Liberty Dumlao, my "alter ego," and drinking/former smoking parner; Pingki, Peng, Verna, and the other "baboys," Bembem de la Torre, my batch head and confidante; Steph Cas and my other "babies," pasaway and otherwise...I will stop here before I mention/forget to mention every Portian who's meant anything to me (and that's a whole lot of Portians!). Anyway, today I was reminded how all these amazing women came into my life and influenced it for the better, and made me the woman I am today.

I know now why I am so discriminating in my female relationships, and why I expect so much from every woman who may be a potential friend: All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare. Not every female can be a woman; not every woman can be a Portian. :-)

Special mwahs to my batchmates (Batch 1990-B) - we just celebrated our 15th year as Portians last December 2: Isabel de la Torre, Eloisa Manlansing, Lynette Tecson, Genevieve Sharon Cosare, Deanna Santos, and Charisse Jaraula-Juan.

posted by Honey Oliveros @ 11:34 PM